Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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