he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
