If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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