We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
