totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ok first of all what the fuck
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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