i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
