I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
