I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
