The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
