stop calling my apartment porn island.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
