You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
