Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
