it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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