Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
