can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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