i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
