Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
