so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
