ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
