Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
