she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
