from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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