isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
