I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I would fuck him just for his dog
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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