He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
