You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
