omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
