3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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