Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
