yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
