Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
