Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
