one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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