I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
