You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
