i was rollin on her like bob the builder
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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