I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize