Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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