I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
