i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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