I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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