Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
