I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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