who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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