you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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