I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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