I am in a vortex of obligation.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
