we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
