i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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