If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
