I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Randomize
