ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
