since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
