5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
bring money and cleavage
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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