I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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