I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
