I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
