Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
