I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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