you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
