you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
last night I used snow as a chaser
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize