I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
