youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
