For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize