I just saw a hot homeless man
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Boobs speak an international language.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
