Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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