I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
