If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
