If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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